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When I am going into a team and coaching for the first time, I will inevitably get this question, "How do I know if my team culture is truly healthy?". Most of the time the leaders at the top don't have an accurate assessment of what is going on in their environment. It's not necessarily their fault, but that is a post for another day. The old adage holds true, sometimes you really can't see the forrest for the trees. When you are imbedded in the happenings of everyday life, you cant't always see the nuances of what is really happening. It's hard to accurately assess how things are going, no matter the team you are leading.
Here are a few signs that your team is in a healthy place: 1. The team celebrates victories, both personal and professional. When someone hits a goal or receives that promotion or aces a test, that person should be celebrated. There is a quote by Jordan Peterson that rings true, "Share good news with people who are going to be genuinely happy for you and that's one way you can identify people who are truly on your side." If you find yourself holding back some great news or accomplishment, pay attention. Ask questions. 2. Team members Respect clearly communicated boundaries If you tell someone that you have had a hard morning and you need 5 minutes to get it together and their reply is " Yeah but, we need...". Or if you have an employee that has been told not to do XYZ but does it anyway, these are red flags. Pay attention to what happens when you tell someone "NO". That persons response will tell you a lot. (Notice that the words "clearly communicated" were italicized. Expectations and boundaries need to be clearly communicated. We can not assume that people know our personal or professional expectations/boundaries.) 3. Each person accepts Responsibility aka NO Blame Games In any relationship, conflict will arise. It is human nature. How we handle that conflict makes all the difference. During healthy conflict, each person must as accurately as possible recognize their role in the conflict. If there is finger pointing and defensive talk, that is a red flag. "I'm sorry, BUT..." is not true personal responsibility. It is deflection and shifting to the blame game. 4. Everyone understands personal growth is a way of life In healthy cultures, we must constantly grow and adapt. This is true in nature and it is true in relationships. We must constantly strive to understand what we are bringing to the table. We need to understand that we have not figured it all out and there is always room for growth and improvement. 5. Progress, NOT Perfection, is the goal In healthy cultures, we recognize the humanity of each person. We are not perfect creatures, so we should not expect perfection from anyone. If perfection is a goal, we have already failed. Progress is the goal. One step ahead is the purpose. No matter what team you are leading, these traits can become a way of life. You can live and lead well. And lead your team to a healthy culture.
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We need each other.
That’s what makes this nation what it is. No one way is right. No one way is perfect. There are faults that lie within each way. What if, while you may be calling that person names, he/she is your counter-balance so you don’t fall off the deep end. What if, we need the "extremes" of each way. if nothing else to point out the absurdities that lie within each of us. We need each other. Inspired by 2 strangers. Abby and Darryl, thank you.
She stayed. In her guilt. In their blame. She stayed. In the dirt. In her shame. She stayed. When they left. Abandoned by those who threw curses. She stayed At her most vulnerable. At her worst. She stayed. She stayed. Because of the warmth Of His gaze. She stayed. Because of the depth Of His grace. She stayed. Because she was seen In His eyes. She stayed In the presence of His love. She stayed . Hey, Church.
It’s time. It’s time to wake up. It’s time to listen to your women. It’s time to take a good, hard look at how you treat your women. It’s time to truly dig into God’s words, and specifically the actions of Jesus, and see, earnestly see how God sees women, how Jesus honored women. It’s time. It’s time to hear the cries of our women. It’s time to listen to her voice. It’s time to give them a seat at the table. Your women were made in the image of God. Yes, really. Think about that. They were made as a reflection of who God is. Yes, God is reflected in women, too. They were made to sit next to the men, not in another room, not behind, not at the feet of men. BUT BESIDE. Right next to, as co-heirs. Women were not made to be silent. And, frankly, we are tired at the constant reminder to be quiet. We were made to proclaim the good news of Jesus. (See the woman at the well). We were made to share the amazing freedom of the resurrection. (See the women at the tomb). So, Church, now is the time. You must decide. How will you honor the voice of your women? How will you empower them to be all that God has created them to be? How will you change your customs to align with your Holy Scripture? It’s time. I have seen too many good women, strong women who think for themselves, be beat down by the church. I have seen too many women being told that their strength is in direct opposition of what God wants from them, when it is God who has strengthened them. I have heard, more times than I care to in this lifetime, that women should ‘Be Quiet”, when it is God who has given me this voice to proclaim to the captives their freedom. It’s time. History will decide how we, as the Church, have stood in this time. Will our children look back and say, thank you for giving women their voice? Or will they still be fighting for their voice to be heard? As the Church, we should be the first to amplify the woman’s voice. Because that is what Jesus did. As for me, I will continue to encourage my daughters to proclaim their God given right to have voice. I will teach my daughters that they have every right as their brothers. AND I will teach my sons the same thing, that their sisters have a voice as well. I will tell my daughters to sit with confidence, and with God’s backing, at the table. I will point them to scripture, where Jesus, listened to the voice of the woman, and empowered her to stand in the face of the religious pharisees that said she was nothing. Hey, Church. It’s time. The mistress is in town is what I say When I see the forecast for the next few days I know she is in town by the smile on his face I know she is in town because he has deserted this place Joy abounds and he greets her with glee And I know that his attention is not for me The mistress is in town for more than just him She greets them all with a glassy grin She surrounds them all with her salt spray air As she runs her waves through their wet tousled hair They come to the shore to bask in her seas They paddle to show her their greatness of feets The mistress is in town but she won’t stay long And then he will return to me with his soul more strong “O, Death, where is your sting?
Our resurrected king Has rendered you defeated” Those words have always been one that shot straight to my heart, an arrow of promised healing. Death, where is your sting? These words bring to mind that last breath on this side of eternity and the freedom of knowing that Jesus waits for me on the other side. But what about the death that is among the living? The living dead, so to speak. Those things that are a death all unto itself. A smaller death. A silent death. A death that can slowly drain and render you empty of life. Hurt Rejection Pain Betrayal Complete and utter brokenness Death comes in many forms. Sometimes one little bit at a time. Other times all at once. Death of joy Death of self Death of a friendship Death of hope I tend to focus on that last breath kind of death when I sing this song. But I am learning that He gave his last breath for more than the promise of heaven. He gave His last breath to bring us to life in the land of the living. BUT He has rendered those other, smaller, deaths defeated as well. He does bring beauty, o such beauty, out of that heap of ashes that you may have given up on. Those dreams, those hopes that you have long burned, the ones you have sacrificed at the altar of another. He resurrects those as well. That rejection that still stings, He brings his healing balm to comfort you. In ways that you could never expect. Through that friendship that surprises or that restoration that you thought would never come. Do you remember that time that you could hardly walk under the heaviness of the brokenness that you carried? He redeems that too. I don’t know how or the ways in which His redemption will come. I just know He (it) does. The reason I know is because I have been those things. I have felt that rejection and betrayal and pain. I have felt that complete and utter brokenness. The one that had me feeling shattered, thinking that I could never be put back together again. And I waited, not even patiently, but I waited. It was not a pretty waiting.. It was a fist balled in the air, yelling, sobbing, messy kind of waiting. A waiting that left me on the bathroom floor, begging Him to just make this pain go away. But He did not leave me there. Oh no, He couldn’t leave me there. Because the love that He holds for me requires Him to walk into that ash heap and trade it for beauty. To exchange that cloak of despair for a covering of celebration. That same Love is the one who made the sting of death inept. There is no power any more in any of those deaths, the last death or the smaller ones that come along. There is a fierceness that happens in the soul when you have seen God exchange your hopelessness, your pain, your rejection and in turn give you such joy and peace and hope. For you who are feeling those smaller deaths, know that He will turn your valley of weeping into a spring that refreshes. It is not just that final death that is without sting, it is also those other deaths, that ultimately have no sting. He has rendered those defeated as well. So go. Be fierce. This past year contained much of the same struggles as the years before.
Pain Loneliness Betrayal Brokenness But this year was a little different than the ones before it. This year has brought changes, changes in me. I have found a deeper well of faith, a securer confidence in who I am, and especially who I am in Christ. I have found grace, grace that I did not know could exist, for those who have betrayed, wishing them well (and really meaning it) on their journey. I have learned to walk with my head held high despite the pain. I have learned of a Hope that never fails, a hope that looks for the other side of pain, the side that brings perspective. I have learned I carry His peace,, despite the swirling chaos that can surround me. I have learned that I possess a strength that is pretty remarkable. I have learned that women are more potent than most of them know. And as I turn the page to a new year and a new chapter, I will carry those lessons with me. I will carry His peace as I encounter discord that pain and brokenness always bring with it. Because this peace is a peace that brings clarity to our broken hearts. I will tightly hold onto a hope that is hard pressed to my being, as if it was sweetly branded into my soul where depsair once was.A hope that sustains ALL levels of devastation, knowing that GOD will redeem all things according to his purpose, even that despair. I will draw from that well of faith that grows deeper with each use, knowing God does not fail. I will walk in my innate femininity, not hiding it as a point of weakness, but fully embracing it as a source of strength, knowing that God himself has empowered and endorsed and approved those skills that He has weaved into to me, to lead and empower those around me. And knowing that I am made in His image, as well. I will walk in My God given identity as the "tip of the arrow". And even as I am plunged into darkness, I will remember that the tip of the arrow is only plunged into darkness when it has hit its mark. I will walk in confidence knowing that even as I fall, I will stand back up, knowing this confidence all comes from God's divine infusion of strength. These things I carry with me, looking ahead to the adventure that this new chapter begins 2 Corinthians 4:7 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay toshow that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us." Happy New year! I read A LOT! Different articles from a variety of different sources. Liberal, conservative, christian, atheist, right, left, up, down, and everything in between.
I hear christians proclaim emphatically that our Founding Fathers were believers and this country was founded on christian ideals, etc. Then I read from others that the founding fathers were not christians but agnostic or atheist or humanist. Of course, both sides have credible resources to back up their claim. So this is what I have been thinking... WHAT IF everyone is right? WHAT IF... our founding fathers were men who followed Christ, AND men who were agnostic, AND men who maybe had no religious preference? BUT YET, they saw the value of humanity to come together and allow each individual the freedom to express their ideas in an environment that valued each other and the liberties to explore. AND they even fought for their fellow mans freedom to be wrong? WHAT IF...that is what this country is really about? NOT who is right or wrong, or who is left or right, or who is going to heaven or hell? WHAT IF...this country is actually about the freedom to walk this journey of life out in the best way we know how? WHAT IF...this country was founded on the ideas of walking through this life and respecting and valuing the ideas and thoughts of others EVEN when you don't understand or agree? WHAT IF...? WHAT IF... those who founded our country actually fought for your freedom to be wrong? As in, men laid down their life, just so you can have freedom to be utterly wrong? Even if your choices were not in alignment with their way of thinking? But they believed so wholeheartedly in freedoms and liberties that they fought tyranny and oppression of the religious and political kind in the divine monarchy? WHAT IF... we are supposed to fight for other peoples right to be wrong? ALL OF US? Liberal, conservative, christian, atheist, right, left, up, down, black, white, hispanic, and everything in between. WHAT IF...? My family has an inside joke based on a fond memory of our grandmother.
Whenever one of us would take her home, we would get to this certain spot on the road, and she would start searching for her keys in her big handbag. It would start with her searching in one pocket, then she would quickly move to another pocket and then another in an almost panic. I share that trait with my grandmother, that near panic attack when I can’t find something I have lost. I abhor the feeling of having something in my possession and moments later finding I have lost it. I search in panic, frantically going through my past steps to recover whatever was lost. Even if it is a lost shoe, there is still that frantic searching that goes on. But what happens when you lose something bigger than the shoe, more valuable, more subjective, more ethereal? Where do you go to retrace your steps to find bits of yourself? How do you find “you” when you look up to find it is not what you remember? WHERE DO YOU GO WHEN YOU NEED TO FIND YOURSELF? I think so many of us have been here. This is not where I thought I would be. This is not where I thought I was going. Whether it is a tragic accident, an unexpected diagnosis, a houseful of kids, no kids or a broken trust, life never seems to obey the direct path we have set our eyes on … what we planned and dreamed for in our younger years. That young, idealistic self can get lost in the living. We are often thrown off track or even slightly veered off track only to look up and see that this is not where we want to be, this is not who I thought I would be, this is not where I imagined my path going. And it is in that first look that the panic starts to creep in, regret starts to make itself known. There is a quiet undoing in this panic of losing yourself. Because then the searching begins. The things that once seemed so incredibly important loses its brilliance and allure when compared to the desire of a life lived with authenticity and depth. The search for that life being lived the way the Creator designed us to exist starts in a few tentative steps of asking. What makes my heart beat fast, what do I love? What are those things that make me feel alive again? And because the best place to start is with the Creator of my soul, I ask Him, the one that created my heart to beat. I sit in the silence and ask God to just show up and throw my agenda out the window. I just need to see and hear and feel Him again. I don’t even need the answers, I just want to experience Him and find myself somewhere in Him. And slowly as I sit with God and seek His face, the panic subsides and He reminds me of who I am and how much I am loved, no matter where I am. On those many car rides home, not once did my grandmother lose her keys. She always found them, even in her semi-panicked state they were always right where she had put them. And I always smiled because I always trusted she would find them because she had never lost them in the first place. I wonder if God smiles at our frantic searching … knowing we have not been lost. He has been with us all the way long. Is it possible that we could just take this day to mourn and reflect and regroup instead of making political or religious statements?
Tragedies and massacres should never be used to further one’s political or religious agenda. Ever. We don’t need to point fingers and place blame when tragedy has hit our community. Loved ones have been lost. Lives have been changed dramatically. And yet, some use this opportunity to push their own ideas and agendas. Now is not the time to preach for or against gun control. Now is not the time to quote bible verses about sin and sinners. Now is not the time to preach against radical islamic teachings. Now is the time to come together and lean on each other. Now is the time to mourn and offer comfort to those who mourn. Now is the time to pray for strength for the hospital staff who are struggling to save lives. Now is the time to shine light into the darkness, to bring hope to the hopeless, to speak life to those who are in despair. Yes, I do have strong political and religious feelings and inclinations, but the value of human life supersedes all of that. There will be a time and place when those views can be expressed but the day of or the day after the tragedy is not the time. For goodness sake's, the bodies have not even been cleared out the building yet. Have some decency. Have some compassion. Have some heart. There is no law in offering kindness. And also love. Because as a follower of Christ, I am bound by two commandments, “Love God. Love people.’ That’s it! |
Christie OBrienChristie is a writer, speaker, teacher and coach. Christie coaches leaders to find the blocks and barriers that are holding them back, so they can lead in healthy ways. She teaches about leadership, parenting, and her favorite subject: restoring the soul. 
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